As we approach the end of the year, it can be easy to get swept up in festive cheer and for the social issues that we hear about throughout the year to be swept under the rug. Yet many want to be seen to be ‘doing the work’, without actually doing the work.
That’s where behaviour like toxic positivity, spiritual bypassing and virtue signalling can come into play. Surface-level action that is ultimately more harmful than helpful. We’ve spent December’s #DiversityDictionary word of the week series exploring these concepts as a way to name behaviours so we may recognise them and stop them in their tracks.
TOXIC POSITIVITY
Toxic positivity is when people respond to distress with false reassurances rather than empathy, and by dismissing difficult or challenging emotions. #DiversityDictionary
While there are benefits to being an optimist and engaging in positive thinking, toxic positivity takes it to the extreme by rejecting difficult emotions, such as anger, sadness, disappointment, grief, shame or jealousy, in favour of a cheerful, often falsely positive, facade. (Source: Very Well Mind)
People usually engage in toxic positivity unknowingly, and because they’re uncomfortable with difficult emotions.
In the context of diversity, equity and inclusion, someone who chooses to speak up against a microaggression they’ve experienced may be met with toxic positivity, particularly if the person they’re speaking to is uncomfortable talking about oppression.
Seven examples of toxic positivity in action.
“You’ll get over it.”
“Everything happens for a reason.”
“Don’t be so negative.”
“Always look on the bright side.”
“Think happy thoughts.”
“Good vibes only!”
“It could be worse.”
As we dive into the festive season, it may be tempting to default to this kind of language, to ‘keep spirits up’. The intention of these phrases may be well-meaning, but they can negatively impact someone’s ability to be their authentic selves.
Toxic positivity can lead to someone being unable to share their true feelings. That can turn into a behaviour pattern of actively repressing certain emotions. It can lead to feelings of shame for having negative emotions.
This is not sustainable for anyone. We are all complex human beings who feel an array of emotions.
A way to counteract toxic positivity is to acknowledge and validate the emotion. You don’t have to jump straight into problem solving – in fact, that could make things worse. When someone comes to you for support, engage in active listening, and let them know they are seen and heard.
SPIRITUAL BYPASSING
The term ‘spiritual bypassing’ was coined in 1984 by the American psychologist John Welwood to describe the tendency to use spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, and unfinished developmental tasks.
As a therapist and Buddhist teacher, Welwood began to notice that people (including himself) often wielded spirituality as a shield or type of defense mechanism. Rather than working through difficult emotions or confronting unresolved issues, people would simply dismiss them with spiritual explanations. (Source: Very Well Mind)
Fast forward to today. In the age of popularised astrology, commoditised yoga, mainstream meditation, and apps like Co-Star and the Pattern, spiritual bypassing has become pervasive. There are many ways in which people can look to the universe for answers, without first looking within and examining in ways that build self-awareness.
Along the way, people end up co-opting and appropriating ancient cultures and practices for their own means, rather than humbly honouring the wisdom that has not only been passed down through generations, but has survived the violence of Western colonisation.
Here are four examples of spiritual bypassing:
Avoiding or suppressing difficult emotions like anger, sadness or shame.
Believing in your own spiritual superiority as a way to hide from insecurities.
Believing that spiritual practices such as meditation or prayer are always positive.
Pretending that things are fine when they are clearly not.
When it comes to the world’s most pressing challenges like social justice and climate justice, it can be easy to fall into a pattern of individualistic spiritual bypassing as a way to pass off the blame and responsibility onto others. Even if the intention is to do good in the world, the impact can be detrimental when it’s done without acknowledging the full complexity of the human experience.
Radical acceptance is one antidote to spiritual bypassing. Accepting ‘what is’, rather projecting false positivity onto difficult or challenging situations, can lead to more integrated and meaningful ways of being.
VIRTUE SIGNALLING
The act of speaking or behaving in a way that’s intended to show others you’re a person with ‘good’ moral values.
Virtue signalling implies that someone is being insincere in their advocacy or support of social justice causes. And it’s proven to be a controversial term. Some see it as an accusation and a personal attack. Others see it as a useful term for recognising surface-level self-serving gestures in the name of social justice.
Even if the intention is to contribute to positive systemic change, if it’s a superficial gesture, done as a way of seeking the approval of others, the impact could be more harmful than saying or doing nothing. It creates the illusion of doing good, which leads to praise, without any meaningful action having been taken.
Here are three examples of virtue signalling:
A person sharing a status on social media in support of an environmental cause, because they want to show others that they’re a good person.
A person wearing a shirt showing that they donated money to some cause, because they want others to think that they’re charitable.
A company making a public statement about their commitment to inclusion following a public controversy, because they want to improve their public image.
In a world of viral posts and the fast-moving 24-hour news cycle, it's tempting to want to look for quick-wins in the work of diversity, equity and inclusion. This is something many people, organisations and brands took part in during June 2020 when posting a black square on the instagram feed to support Black Lives Matter, but failing to follow up this simple gesture with meaningful action that contributes to long-term change.
Raising awareness is always valuable, but committing to a cause with intention, and not expecting any praise or recognition for it is where meaningful change can occur.
If you receive the feedback that you’re virtue signalling, it might be an instinctive reaction to get defensive. But a more useful response would be to approach the feedback with greater emotional intelligence, and seek ways to give depth to the ways in which you choose to support and advance social justice issues.
Our mission at The Other Box is to make space for difference. Diversity Dictionary is where we explore meanings and histories of the language of diversity, beyond a dictionary definition, so we can all build a deeper awareness and critical understanding of perspectives that may be different to our own.
On all our social channels, we share weekly words and their definitions, with a different theme each month. These terms are a taster and have been taken from our Diversity Dictionary™ course in our TOB for Teams™ programme. If you'd like to learn more, check out our courses page and fill in the contact form.
Is there a theme you’d like to see covered in Diversity Dictionary? Let us know! Our work is co-created by our community to work towards creating a world that is more inclusive and safe for everyone.
Words by Roshni Goyate
Header image by Ahmed Zayan on Unsplash