By Roshni Goyate
Throughout pregnancy and motherhood I have found that as a brown female business founder and daughter of immigrants, straddling cultures, careers, and communities my experiences are simply not represented in mainstream media.
Thankfully, social media can go some way to remedying that. There are beautiful pockets of communities who are sharing their philosophies, creating their own ‘villages’, and I personally have found much solace and solidarity in those. My DMs are full of conversations with parents, some of whom I’ve never met, but who I’ve found a connection to, which, on this sometimes-lonely journey of parenting, brings much comfort and can see you through the day (and long nights!) It’s one of the reasons we created TOB Parenthood, a facebook group for anyone who feels their own parenting or caring story is left out of the mainstream narrative.
But with TOB Parenthood, as with The Other Box community as a whole, there was a hunger to turn online interactions into a real-life meet-up. When Zainab, who runs The Montessori Studio (@TheMontessoriStudio), asked if we’d like to partner on an event, I saw the chance to bring our respective skills together to create something special that people have been asking for.
So on September 27th we held our first ever TOB Parenthood event in partnership with The Montessori Studio. We named it Hustle & Kids because we wanted to shed light on the multitude of ways people juggle different roles when they have kids in their lives.
On the day, Zainab chaired a brilliant panel featuring Sarah Yataghane (@a_bitofpink), Bea Ngalula Kabutakapua (@kabutakapua_comms), Kay Rufai (@universoulartist) and Julie Bevan (@dotkids), all of whom have their own stories to tell about how they live and work with kids. The conversation covered a breadth of themes, from community, creativity, hustle and trauma to mental health, homeschooling and running a business. There were so many topics covered that we hardly see discussed in the grand narrative of parenthood – and importantly, from perspectives we rarely see in the mainstream.
It felt like a dream world of what a community of people with kids could be. Judgement-free. A space to share, to learn and show up for each other, in all our beautiful differences and similarities, known and unknown.
For anyone interested in creating their own inclusive event for parents, carers and anyone with kids in their life, here are some of the things I learned along the way:
1. Ask the community
We put a poll out to the TOB Parenthood community to ask what kind of event they would want, what time of week and day would be best. With that feedback, we were able to zone in on a format and theme for the event.
2. Choose a kid-friendly venue
The best way to make an event inclusive for parents or carers is to make it inclusive for kids. Somewhere that has a place to park prams, lifts, a quiet area for breastfeeding and some space to move around.
3. Word the invite inclusively
We deliberately didn’t call it a “motherhood” event, as we wanted to encompass a breadth of experience when it comes to living a life with children in it. And we especially wanted to be open to carers, parents of colour, same-sex parents, trans-parents, parents of trans-kids, single parents, parents with disabilities, parents of kids with disabilities, blended families, people trying to conceive, parents-to-be, and anyone who feels their story is left out of the mainstream parenthood narrative. So we put that in the event invite.
4. Allocate activity zones
Zainab, using her Montessori experience, set up toys and activities for kids around the edges of the room, which transformed the space and made it feel incredibly welcoming for kids.
5. Set the tone on the day
We started the event by being open with people about doing what they needed to do with their kids, whether that was change nappies, settle a child, step out for any other reason without need for explanation, and in the knowledge that we all know what it’s like to multi-task with kids under our feet.
All images by Saima Khalid @angryjalebi
Thanks to Havas KX for hosting us.