All around the world, the arrival of March means the build-up of excitement and celebration for #InternationalWomensDay. But why does such a day need to exist? Because of systemic oppression along the lines of gender.
That’s why for March, we explored The Patriarchy and related words. Yes, there’s so much to celebrate, but there’s also a long way to go. Getting clear on terms like The Patriarchy, sexism, misgyny and toxic masculinity is a gateway to better understanding how we can all show up for gender equity.
PATRIARCHY
The patriarchy is a social system in which power is held by cis-men, through cultural norms, customs, policies and practices, that favour cis-men and withhold opportunities from women and gender diverse people.
If the patriarchy was not a part of our social reality, then we would not need a globally recognised day that spotlights the achievements of women. There would be no gender disparity to highlight. But patriarchal systems dominate in most parts of the world and are accepted as the natural order of things (which they’re not). This means that cis-men enjoy everyday privilege, whereas women and gender diverse people are marginalised.
Here are three everyday examples of cis-men enjoy everyday privilege in the patriarchy:
Cis-men can walk down the street without being harassed or catcalled by strangers. There’s an assumption that it’s okay to bother women, comment on their appearance, and whistle at them in public. Some may argue that catcalling is a compliment. It isn’t. (Source: Youth Ki Awaaz)
Cis-men never have to worry about choosing between having a career or starting a family. The patriarchy puts disproportionate pressure on women to start a family while offering very little support in doing so, especially if she wants to continue a career.
Cis-men, espeically if they’re white, are rarely mistaken for being a more junior team member in the workplace. A woman surgeon in scrubs is often mistaken for being a nurse. It’s well reported that women in the boardroom are often mistaken for being support staff, and their male counterpart is spoken to first. (Source: MSNBC)
We often say at The Other Box that to name something is to know something. By naming the patriarchy, we can examine the ways we’ve all internalised these systems, we can unlearn patriarchal tendencies and relearn new ways to be in the world. It’s an ongoing process, and one that feeds our mission to make space for difference.
MISOGYNY
Misogyny is a system that serves to enforce the patriarchy when the dominance of men comes into question. It controls and punishes women and gender diverse people who challenge this dominance.
At The Other Box, we talk about the layering effect of everyday microaggressions, and how they feed into violent oppression. Misogyny is one of those poisonous threads that can be traced in everyday interactions and tracked all the way through to physical and sexual violence against women.
Let’s explore this, using the example of football in the UK:
At an everyday microaggression level, we hear phrases like “Of course you can’t explain what the offside rule means. You’re a woman!” That could be a commonly held attitude, and so it may seem like it’s an okay thing to say. To be clear: it isn’t.
By tolerating this kind of language, further misogynistic behaviours are allowed to persist. For example, the attitude that women’s football isn’t as good, and professional women’s teams being paid less than men’s teams. In short, women are valued less than men.
When women are valued less than men, this layers up to attitudes that dehumanise women and see them as not worthy of privacy, safety or consent. This is where women face the threat of catcalling in public, flashing or even groping on public transport.
This lack of respect for women in public is directly translated into how they’re treated in the privacy of their own homes. Research has shown domestic violence in England increases by up to 47% when an England football match is on. (Source: The Stack World)
Domestic abuse is only one form of the most violent manifestations of misogyny. At the heart of misogyny is a threat to the lives and livelihoods of women and gender diverse people, with the purpose of upholding the patriarchy.
While it can be easy to say ‘look how far we’ve come with gender equality’, there’s still so far to go. And one of the most impactful ways for progress to happen is for cis-men to learn to speak up against and examine their own internalised misogyny.
SEXISM
Sexism is an ideology that assumes that the dominance and privilege of men over women and gender diverse people are the natural order of things (👉🏽they are not).
This ideology upholds the gender stereotypes that women are naturally more nurturing and therefore should be contained to domesticated roles and financially dependent on men, and that men must be macho and emotionally hardened. In short: sexism serves to uphold the patriarchy.
Sexist gender stereotypes usually lead to double standards, where actions or behaviours that are considered positive or desirable in men are criticised in women. Here are four examples (Source: Future Women):
👎🏽 In the workplace, a man who is assertive is promoted for showing leadership qualities, whereas a woman is called “pushy”, “bossy” or “bitchy”.
👎🏽 An ageing man is called a “silver fox” and can still have an acting career well into his 60s, whereas an ageing woman is called a “witch” and treated with suspicion by society.
👎🏽 A man is high-fived for his sexual prowess and promiscuity while a woman is slut-shamed for “sleeping around”.
👎🏽 Men who work long hours are committed, while career-focused women are selfish.
These double standards and stereotypes are closely linked to unconscious biases, such as likeability bias, which is when men are rewarded for living up to the gender stereotype of being assertive, while women are punished for failing to live up to the gender stereotype of being nurturing and submissive.
Biases like these are driven by our own internalised sexism and gender expectations, and lead to prejudice, discrimination and violence against women and gender-diverse people, which often goes unquestioned. We’re all capable of this, because we all exist within a patriarchal system. As we say at The Other Box. The best way to change the system is to change ourselves.
We all have a responsibility to raise our self-awareness to our sexist thoughts and tendencies, and choose to counteract them with action that prioritises gender equity.
TOXIC MASCULINITY
Toxic masculinity involves cultural pressures for men to behave in a certain way. It asserts the norm that men need to act tough, powerful and avoid showing emotion.
The pressure to live up to this ideal can be harmful to the mental health of men and boys, and can have serious consequences for society, which is how it came to be known as “toxic masculinity.”
There are many definitions of toxic masculinity that appear in research as well as pop culture. Some researchers have come to agree that toxic masculinity has three core components:
Toughness: This is the pressure that men should be physically strong, emotionally hardened, and behave in aggressive ways.
Anti-Femininity: This involves the idea that men should reject anything that is considered to be feminine, such as showing emotion or accepting help.
Power: This is the assumption that men must work toward obtaining power and status - both social and financial - so they can gain the respect of others. (Source: Very Well Mind)
These ideas are deeply embedded in our everyday language. Chances are we’ve all heard phrases like ‘man up’, ‘stop acting like a girl’, ‘boys don’t cry’ or ‘grow some balls’. (Source: HAWC)
These are casual phrases may not be intended to cause harm, but they uphold a certain image of masculinity as macho and the only way to be, while also depicting femininity as weak.
Why does this matter? Because it means that men end up suppressing their emotions. From a young age, boys are told not to cry, to be strong, to be brave. They’re told not to express emotion, even though emotions and self-expression are the most natural thing. We are reinforcing toxic masculinity even before boys are able to form sentences.
But here’s an important takeaway: Masculinity does not equal immunity from the complexities of the human experience.
Yet we try to make it that way. Some of the tragic outcomes of internalised toxic masculinity include severe mental health illnesses, emotional breakdowns and death by suicide.
In short, the patriarchy harms every single person in society.
Our mission at The Other Box is to make space for difference. Diversity Dictionary is where we explore meanings and histories of the language of diversity, beyond a dictionary definition, so we can all build a deeper awareness and critical understanding of perspectives that may be different to our own.
On all our social channels, we share weekly words and their definitions, with a different theme each month. These terms are a taster and have been taken from our Diversity Dictionary™ course in our TOB for Teams™ programme. If you'd like to learn more, check out our courses page and fill in the contact form.
Is there a theme you’d like to see covered in Diversity Dictionary? Let us know! Our work is co-created by our community to work towards creating a world that is more inclusive and safe for everyone.
Words by Roshni Goyate
Header image by Alexandru Acea on Unsplash